Clown Strike

Hey Ryan,

It's taken me a little while to write back because, well, I didn't know what to write.

In fact, today, I feel like Roberto Duran. The most popular tale (and maybe the only thing some know) about Duran is his infamous "No mas" from his November, 1980, rematch with Sugar Ray Leonard. And there's no doubt, he did say that to the referee, but he also said something else that isn't so widely reported. According to his trainer, he initially threw up his hands and said, "No quiero pelear con el payaso." Roughly translated, this means: "I do not want to fight with this clown."

Just like Sugar Ray toyed with the out-of-shape champ that night, causing him to quit, I believe John McCain might be trying to make us voters throw in the towel. He might hinging his hopes on the idea that, in times of crisis, voters are really just battered wives in denial, jumping from one abusive relationship to another. And, in some respects, we are. How else to explain not one, but two consecutive Bush presidencies?

Sure, I'm not to blame and you're not to blame, but when the electorate speaks, we're all saddled with whatever stupid shit comes out of its mouth, just like we all have to apologize to the world when our man-sized babies run amok with their war rattles. But we all say to ourselves, "Never again." We all believe that the next time we're given the chance to vote these bastards out of office, we'll do it. Yessir, they're going away for good!

But, we Americans, we're a forgiving people. We live in the land of the Great Second Chance, where anyone, regardless of their status (as long as they're rich) or their race (as long as they're white or a racially-appropriated ethnic) can come back from any adversity to claim victory. All it takes is smart packaging, good advertising, and a strict adherence to a simplistic message. And substance be damned...even while we pay it lip service.

And, based on these criteria, John McCain is a success. Sure, his poll numbers are resting on the ocean floor, and his responses to every twist, turn or crisis have been erratic, if not bordering on insane. But McCain is a success because he has actually given us something he has been promising all along: Straight Talk.

He hasn't done this through one particular ad, speech or policy. No, McCain's message has been delivered by the very existence of his campaign...its actions, ads, speeches, and supporters.

And McCain's message is this: This is what you, the voters, are.

A politician and his pitch reflect what he believes the electorate to be. As such, John McCain and his campaign show that he feels we are a nation of erratic victims with extreme racist tendencies who can't form so much as a coherent thought on any one issue, much less the multitude of issues that need attention to keep this country afloat.

Notice, I said "afloat", meaning just plugging the holes and praying to the Good Lord that we eventually smack into dry land. I mean, if Bush has taught us anything, it's this: If you screw up the job so bad that things can't get any worse, you can take credit when they inevitably start to get better.

But why do we have to just stay afloat? Why can't we open the sails and fix the engine? Because, according to McCain and Palin, that's not who we are, as a people. We're not good enough for that.

We can talk about energy independence, but we can't really do it. We can talk about a brighter day in the economy, but not for those of us below McCain's million dollar poverty line. We can talk about ending wars, as long as it means launching new and bigger ones.

With their campaign, McCain and Palin have branded us as brainless barbaric beasts by giving new language to racism, extremism, and stupidity, then trying to sell it to us as a viable issue.

If they were honest people, they would distribute signs with slogans like "McCAIN/PALIN HATE: If it's good enough for the Nazis, it's good enough for us!" But neither John McCain nor Sarah Palin has ever met an honest sentiment they couldn't cheat their way around with blind greed and semantic shell games.

Of course, the reason they're even trying to peddle this smut is because they understand that there is a slobbering-rabid, knuckle-dragging, racist swine herd out there clamoring for it. And that herd has swelled out of the pen...so much so that when McCain tried to dial back the rhetoric, the pigs turned on him, puffing their snouts in a chorus of boos.

But who can blame them, right? No slave likes to be spurred on by his master and then be chastised for doing his bidding. But that's exactly what has happened. McCain and Palin rile them up one minute, then pat them down the next. Now we know how the rest of the world must feel about us.

And, the irony here is that, once again, we have a walking cheap shot spearheading the movement. Like Bush, Palin is an insult to everything she pretends to stand for. If she is what they mean by "like us", we're worse off than we thought.

As always in an election season, the cliches are flying around like gnats. And, when someone writes a sentence like that, it usually means that they're going to offer up yet another cliche disguised as insight. Guilty as charged. But I can't help but point out that, for once, the cliches are right, the hype is justified. This is truly the most important election of our collective lifetime (so far), because it's not a choice between political parties, it's a choice between who we have been and who we want to be.

You know, we try to joke a little here. Sometimes, we get preachy (well, I do). Sometimes we educate (well, you and Shane do). And, sometimes, well, I think we do find funny stuff to throw out there.

But, I have to admit, I'm getting tired of fighting this clown.

Charles

P.S. Here's a hopeful note.